What am I doing with my life?

I have had a lot on my mind lately trying to figure out where I want to go in my life, my business, my career, and I have come to the conclusion that I really have no idea! Life changes so fast, for the better and for the worst, I don’t know how to keep up. 

Decisions surrounding how to promote business, whether I should start a blog, how to make worthwhile videos, which training to attend, whether or not I should buy a desk top computer (which I did) have been filling up my brain and building into something that I passionately want to do, just don’t know how to start.

I own a direct selling business which holds very high regards to empowering women and changing lives, which I treasure in the company. I really do believe that we are changing women’s lives, however I’m not sure I have found my true calling in direct selling. 

I want this blog to reach out and grab people. Women, girls, ladies, you are truly amazing! I feel like I have so much to offer and if I can reach even one person who is struggling and wants to hear what I have to say, I AM WINNING! I want to passionately offer advice, companionship, friendship, an ego boost, everything that I have to give. If there is one thing that has weighed on my mind in my almost 30 years of life, it is that the perception of a problem, an obstacle, drama is what dictates how it affects our lives, not the actual situation. In other words, it’s all in how you think about it at the time.

I also believe that without someone else’s perspective on things, life can sometimes be extremely overwhelming. Sometimes it takes an open mind and an honest opinion to step outside of our situation and say, “Hey, this isn’t so bad” or “I know I can get through this” or even “What am I doing with my life?”. 

My Mission

And so, here I begin my journey into the newest version of me. What do I want to focus on? What am I passionate about? Skincare, self-esteem, dealing with acne, life’s little problems that sneak into all of these issues. I have been through the ups and downs of high school, college, boyfriends, girlfriends, work drama, in relationships that bring into my life substance abuse, mental illness, cheating, lying, stealing, manipulation, emotional abuse and pain. I haven’t seen it all, but I can relate to most. I look to be aspiring and inspiring, both learning, and sharing what I have learned. 

About Me

I had a wonderful childhood, a life full of experiences and people who loved me, a hard-working mother, and grandparents who spoiled me. I was born in Kentucky because my parents met in a Tennessee town not far from the border. I was a toddler when my parents divorced, and we move back towards mom’s hometown in Minnesota. My father was an alcoholic and they just could not get along, though they tried on a few more occasions. Oh, how draining substance and alcohol abuse can be in a relationship, however that is a topic for another day.

not because she had my brother and I, or because it’s hard to make a living on low income, although those are definite challenges. Anybody can say “why doesn’t she just leave,” however until a person has been in the relationship with someone it hurts to love, it is difficult to understand how hard it really is to walk away. 

We moved a lot when I was little, at least six different homes and four different schools until I attended the end of 4th grade back in my mom’s hometown. She married a long-time friend of her brothers’ and I have proudly called him Dad for almost ten years now. I gained three older siblings, a baby brother, and a glimpse of farm life before I went off to college to get a big, bad degree that now seems useless.

I was married in May 2011, adopted an amazing little girl in November 2014, divorced in June 2017, and I am amazed at how my life has changed in the past year. I am truly not in control. There is no way I could have made these plans myself.

High School

I was one of the smart kids in my class, not attractive, quiet, didn’t really fit in anywhere but got along with most people. Either I wasn’t bullied, or I didn’t take it personally because I don’t remember any particularly horrible life events from high school, it was just meh whatever. I had a cousin who was my age, so until she dropped out in 10th grade, I was quite content to have only her and a couple people she talked to for friends. They were not challenging for me intellectually; however, they were great companions. We did have some fun times, sleepovers, conversations, crushes.

I am grateful I had friends like that in my life at the time, even my cousin who was socially awkward in high school so I hung out with the unpopular group, they were all good people. By the time I got to high school I was not very ambitious to make new friends so I clung to the ones I had until they were no longer bonded to me. I had acne, weird hair, Wal-Mart clothes, and not much for self-esteem. I knew I was smart, but that’s about all I had going for me. 

I think I struggled with acne the most in high school, aside from the trauma of puberty and wondering if I’m leaking every time I stand up in class for one week a month. Maybe it was just my own perception, but I’m pretty sure I had the worst skin in my class; except maybe one other chick whom it didn’t seem to bother.

I had countless trial sizes of every new skin care product you could think of, but none of them were very helpful. I couldn’t believe it three years ago when I finally found a solution that didn’t dry out my skin or make it greasy as these were usually my two options in high school. Hmm, should we go shiny with bad acne today, or peeling with a little bit less acne? I’m sure people talked but most of it didn’t get back to me. I did the best I could, but really, what teenager has time to wash their face every morning and every night?

Birth Control

In hind sight, birth control would have been nice at about age 14, but when I asked my male pediatrician about it he got all weird and started talking about all the reasons we didn’t have to tell my mom…awkward! My teenage-self refused to talk to doctors about it ever again until my first pap smear when I was 20.

Moms, do your teenage daughter a favor and get her a female doctor she can talk to comfortably about her reproductive system.

I mean unless you are supermom and your daughter’s best friend and advocate, she’s not going to talk about it, it’s embarrassing! Don’t get me wrong, there should be excellent communication between moms and daughters and if you can achieve that you are winning. However, teenagers are moody, and they probably won’t want to talk about their period at some point in their life, or ever. 

I had the worst period cramps, heavy flow, backaches, worse acne than the usual bad acne, as if there wasn’t already enough to deal with in high school. I didn’t know I had options. Google didn’t tell me to ask my pediatrician about birth control or that is was free.

Myth: giving a teenager birth control gives them permission to have sex. Fact: I wasn’t scared of sex because I might get pregnant, I was scared of my mom. Also, at some point I realized that if a boy is stupid enough to ask for sex in high school, that is all that he wants. Let me repeat, a boy who asks for it is only looking for one thing. A friendship that blossoms in high school and grows into love over the years is a beautiful thing and I envy people who hold on to their high school sweethearts, but let’s get real.

Looking back, more drama, heartache, gossip came from sex than anything else I can remember. I say this from the bottom of my heart to all teenagers out there: Your parents are not trying to be mean or overbearing when they say no sex under my roof. Their hearts are breaking when they find out their baby has had that life experience at such a young age. A deep concern for a child’s well-being comes out as anger, tears, fear, and pain because parents know how much of a hold sex has on a person’s life. I could go on and on, but that is a topic for another day.

Adulthood (or something like it)

I managed to make it through high school with out having sex or getting pregnant; or having any boyfriend at all for that matter. There was that one guy I thought I loved my junior and senior year, but he had a girlfriend as our friendship grew, and I didn’t want to be the other woman. I wanted to be his only, and that just never happened. I went off to college about an hour from home after high school and lived with my step-sister for a year before living on my own.

A week after graduating with my bachelor’s degree I got married. We were blessed with my cousin’s daughter after I bought my first house three years later. She was 4 when she moved in from her foster home and from the moment we were asked to be a permanent home for her, I couldn’t have imagined my life any other way. Even when I was unsure of my marriage, I knew I would raise her by myself if I had to because I couldn’t live without her.

My marriage did fall apart after my ex-husband suffered a bleed in his brain and the fallout escalated his drug and alcohol dependence. He recovered physically but our feeble marriage could not withstand the emotional trauma that followed, and the damage could not be repaired. I made many mistakes that I never thought I was capable of and experienced depression that I couldn’t understand. I am grateful for my daughter, the life lessons that made me strong, and the door that opened to my direct selling business during my marriage. Divorce is probably the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my entire life. I am not in control, and life does not happen according to my plan. Everything that has happened in my life has made me the person I am today and equipped me to be the person I am tomorrow, and for that, I am grateful.

Moving Forward

Without everything that has happened in my past, my future would not be possible. I have a future that I am looking forward to. I am so blessed in this moment and I cannot wait to share my experiences and hear about yours. I have so many things that are near and dear to my heart and my only hope is that I can speak to someone else with passion and wisdom. If you look forward to hearing more from me, sign up to receive notification of new blog posts. I look forward to reading your comments below as I look for inspiration and direction. If you have a need that I can fill, let me fill your cup with all that I can give.

Sincerely, Katie Ann

#lifestory #stronger #sincerelykatieann

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